Years of Therapy or Resolved in an Instant?
Let me start this off by saying I am not a licensed therapist. I can only talk about the things that work best for me in my life. You make the choice and understand the possible consequences or benefits but this is only a suggestion.
You can spend many years at a therapist’s office talking about situations that have enslaved you and caused depression. Depression is something that is often a result of still unresolved and lingering events that have negative effects on our well-being.
Yet it is incredibly ironic, but not surprising, and rare that a therapist tells you to confront the person. Of course, it wouldn’t be a in thier best interest or a good idea to do so because if you confront them and somebody kills somebody they have to take responsibility for it and lose thier license or worse. It’s all part of the requirements cast upon them in that profession. But the truth is, with caution and reasonable distance, it’s the best way to resolve a past negative situation instantly. Make sure it’s safe for you do approach someone before you do it and if you do it.
Leaving Their Garbage in Your House
When someone does you wrong it’s like they put a fresh bag of garbage in your house that continues to rot and becomes putrid with nats, flies and maggots over time and every time you walk in the house you smell it while it’s sitting there getting more and more putrid and it starts to annoy you and bother you until it starts to make you sick.
This can be looked at as depression ultimately. You can go and try to get help for the bag of garbage in your house by talking to someone about it and telling them that it stinks and you can’t stand the smell anymore and they will probably eventuaallly cut you off because now YOU have become a negative force in their lives.
You can go to a therapist who will tell you to write a letter to the garbage bag or change the way you feel about the garbage but it still stinks. The truth is until you take the garbage out nothings going to change.
A lot of the time that garbage is the wrongdoing that someone has afflicted upon you. They have gone on with their lives feeling absolutely nothing and for the most part, they probably don’t even remember what they said or did.
But you still carry the weght of the event even when you think you don’t. It can come in the form of an extra drink, extra food, extra sex, drugs or shopping for things we don’t need … anything to make us feel better about ourselves because we did not or were not able to stand up for ourselves when the event took place.
It is absolutely to your benefit (with caution) for you to confront somebody face-to-phone about something they did wrong to you a month ago, a week ago, or several years ago. There are many other ways to communicate with someone via phone social media or the other forgotten benefit of writing a letter. It’s the best way to honor, love and take care of ourselves.
The Source of Pain is the Cure for Pain
The therapists are right about writing the letter and it’s true that once you put on paper how you feel with your own handwriting you do release it to the universe but then once you tear that letter up what happens?
They never explain that part. If u let it get to the person and they read it and respond then there’s going to be a benefit to you whether or not they take responibility or whether or not they apologize.
Our freedom is in the acknowledgment. As long as they know, THAT is what saves us and spares us from the pain of depression, frustration and a life living in the lack.
I can only speak of my own experiences, But in life whenever someone has done me wrong and I approach them for the most part either they acknowledged it or didn’t remember but they still apologized for it and I was aesthetically free!
No longer holding a grudge, no longer hating them, no longer being pissed at them and no longer waiting for karma to take her course (and she always does). I gave the garbage in my house back to the people that dropped it off.
If Your Goal is to Destroy Someone Be Prepared to Destroy Yourself Too.
I don’t care for cancel culture, and this doesn’t mean that you have to expose a person and their children and families to the harm that has been put upon you. Take the necessary route to tell them directly. Their children or older parents and wives and husbands have nothing to do with it.
Today we see a lot of victims becoming the bullies and the truth is in the end nobody wins. Victims are celebrated … temporarily. Who is going to deal with someone who destroyed someone’s entire life? Be they wrong or not? Look at the super tragic Anthony Bordain situation for a great example.
If someone has done me wrong I need to confront the person directly in some shape form or fashion. For me that works. as I stated earlier confronting them in person is probably not a good idea for you or for them but you might be pleasantly surprised at how much better you feel when you release the garbage that is rotting in your house and give it back to the person who delivered it.
Several years ago a rapper blew me off at a conference when I asked him a question. It was embarrassing and immediately didn’t like him for several years and whenever his name came up I had negative things to say about him.
I eventually realized, that was never as much of a reflection on him as it was on me. People don’t have time to evaulate why you dislike someone or what they have done to you, they are only aware of your energy at the time.
While I wouldn’t suggest this, I wrote about it in Radio Facts many years ago. I was immature in my thinking and I was wrong for that but it got his attention. He reached out to me, I told him about the situation and he apologized having no recollection of it. As soon as I hung up the phone I was free. I had no ill will towards this brother from that moment on. This has happened multiple times in my life using this process. You instantly forget about it.
This is not to say that I have anything against therapy either. I have a therapist and I think that everybody should get therapy for many reasons; that being said, sometimes it’s about the things that are ingrained in us that we absolutely need to fix like our inability to reason or respond in certain situations.
A therapist is damn near as important as a trainer, doctor, dentist, good accountant etc. It should be a part of our team in taking the best possible care of ourselves especially considering most of them are covered by insurance anyway. If you have it, why not use it.
If you think that it may be harmful to you to approach somebody or that it may cause you harm physically or in any other way then I would not suggest it but if you feel like you can approach somebody and you have enough distance then it is something to think about