A National Fried Chicken Addition Crisis: 10 NEW Places to Offer Fried Chicken to Struggling Addicts and Target Their Needs Simultaneously


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Let’s face it, we are in the middle of a massive Fried Chicken crisis right now and chickens nationwide are fearing for their lives!

Popeyes has sold out of their Chicken sandwich pushing their employees into overtime and customers were getting pissed off and fighting for the last chicken sandwich at several locations. NOBODY is safe!Brazen Fried Chicken dealers are setting up shop and selling the drug at inflated prices in public at tables IN FRONT of Popeyes to keep up with the demand and some dealers have been spotted at sleazy motel rooms with a white floury powder on their shirts and wearing doo rags to keep hair out of the Fried Chicken while they have been on lunch break from the make-shift Fried Chicken lab units.Even celebrities wanted in on the super publicized campaign that cost Popeyes zilch but brought millions of dollars in social media revenue, missing film shoots and scheduled recording sessions to satisfy their needs. Now floundering chicken outlet KFC ‘is taking over the other side of the street with their altered brand of the Fried Chicken drugs. They have created a new supply of FAKE chicken for those still feening for Popeyes taste of the sweet buttery bun with the crisp innards.KFC announced their vegan chicken and they literally sold out in 1 hour. We are in a national crisis and something has to be done about it NOW! It’s already out of hand. We have created an organization SEFCN (pronounced CEEFACIN) which stands for Stop Eating Fried Chicken NOW! And we have come up with a few solutions to help with the situation and to benefit the addicts’ other most important needs. Here are ways to lure addicts to places they rarely frequent but could help solve other community problems at the same time. Jesus is all we have. Let us pray and lift our hands to thee.

Voter Registration/Polls

This would be a great place to have women from the deep south set up shop and keep recipe and culture thieves like Paula Deen away from the facilities. While the sister is singing a church hymm with her hand on her hip and stirring the massive pot of frying chickens, her other family members are swinging the live chickens around by the head until the neck pops for true freshness. Fried Chicken addicts can’t be fooled by stolen recipes like Paula Deens. The caveat is, addicts MUST register FIRST to vote for a Chicken sandwich and then they get a bucket of vegan chicken from KFC AFTER they vote. Sorry, no exceptions.

Community Colleges

Community colleges have been free for decades as well as some four-year institutions. But our presence has always lacked while other cultures and nationalities are gleefully taking what was created for US. The solution: Offer Fried Chicken at the registration desk AFTER registration and a seminar on Financial Aid. Candidates will forfeit their bucket of chicken if they apply for student loans. Something that will F up their credit for life. In order to qualify for the free bucket of KFC vegan chicken, you have to find a way to pay for your classed WITHOUT a student loan.

Meditation Classes

Here we offer a choice of either the sandwich from Popeyes or the bucket of Vegan chicken AFTER the class. Many students have been completely cured of their Fried Chicken addition after the meditation class walking right pass the buckets exclaiming “I don’t need it anymo, THANK ya Jesis.” This could cure the addict.

Blood Testing Facilities

This is a tricky one. Since the Fried Chicken is likely to raise blood pressure and cholesterol leaving the needle clogged by the grease, we suggest getting the blood test FIRST to look for everything..Have a heavily armored blood testing truck drive-thru several communities with the Fried Chicken in a safe so they addict can’t smell it. The chicken will be given AFTER the blood test.

Real Estate Seminars

Addicts will get mad about this but they must sit through the entire seminar and learn. Then they take a test to see if they have learned financial literacy when it comes to real estate. A score of less than a 75 will prevent the addict from getting his or her drugs (Fried Chicken) but a score above 75 will get each candidate a free sandwich and a free credit score evaluation.

Investment Seminars

Same as above

Community Meetings

Candidates must attend a meeting in their community and ask questions like “Why are there so many dilapidated houses in my Motha Fkn community?” When ar are you going to tear down some of this damn liquor stores?” “Who is my local representatives?” and “I’m 62 If I wanted to start voting for the first time, where can I do it?”

Scared Straight Programs

The kids can only get a free bucket after having the sh scared out of them by the seasoned prisoners to get calm their nerves and get them back on the right path. BONUS: The prisoners also benefit from this program. They TOO can get a free sandwich and a qualified attorney to reopen their case for their participation so that they can stop helping to continue to make American corporations (that won’t hire them when they are free) RICH while they are doing free labor in prison.

Start Your Own Business Programs

Our idea is to create “Start Your Own Business” programs and offer Fried Chicken for lunch each day during the two-week course. The twist is instead of having lunch at 12 noon, have it at 5 pm when the class is over. This will keep addicts out of busy rush hour traffic and give them a chance to bond with other Fried Chicken addicts. Do you like our ideas? Suggestions? Feel free to comment and share.